by Blake Hall
University of Alabama
Listen up guys: if you’re not moving a relationship forward, you’re either stagnant or moving backwards, neither of which is likely to get any girl on a second date or in bed, much less in a relationship. There are multiple aspects to moving a relationship forward, all of which are important in the short and long run. It’s a process that starts from the moment you meet her, all the way until “death do you part” (assuming it goes that far). In the long run, it’s primarily emotional. Here, though, I will focus exclusively on the short run—the first date to be exact. Please note, I do not assume you’re a player trying to bed every girl you approach, nor do I assume that you’re looking for a long-term relationship. My only assumption is that you want to be successful in your endeavors, no matter what your overall goals may be.
First thing’s first: logistics. First dates will always involve some homework if you don’t already keep a go-to game plan. The environment in which you attempt to sell yourself is crucial. A good lounge is a great place to take most women; bars with loud music and spilt beer—not so much. I will not take a girl somewhere that doesn’t have the right ambiance. Mood lighting is beneficial. You should know what kind of music is generally played where you go, as well as the clientele. Seating arrangements are important as well. A good lounge, for example, will have a loveseat or something comparable available.
Once you’ve established a venue, you’re on to stage two: the date. I typically suggest picking your date up. By doing this, it naturally follows that you have a reason to go back to her place, giving yourself the opportunity to be invited in—maybe for some hot tea or something. If you meet her at the venue, it does not follow naturally that you get this chance; thus, you might have the burden of bringing it up and possibly being rejected. You always want to avoid outright no’s during the early stages of a relationship.
Once you get to the venue, it’s all about doing your thing. Being yourself is essential. I would never give a guy topics to bring up simply because he’s nervous that he might run out of things to say. Women, especially beautiful women, are extremely intuitive and will pick up on any hints that suggest a guy is going through something he’s rehearsed. Having said that, I will give some tips that touch on aspects outside of conversation. Physicality is imperative early on for any major moves you plan to make later on, which could be two hours later or on the second date. Subtle touching of the leg or shoulder are two examples, as is putting your arm around her. For the latter, though, don’t actually put your arm around her. This will almost always make any girl uncomfortable on a first date. You can simply rest your arm above her and still send the right signal. Keep in mind that your venue of choice plays a deciding role in what your options are.
Including subtle physical touch early on allows you to do two things: set yourself up to make bigger moves as the relationship progresses and establish roles. What do I mean by that? Well, who are you in relation to this girl? Some guys might think, “We’re on a date, so my intentions are pretty clear.” Not quite. Yeah, you got her on a date. But as I said earlier, your relationship with this girl must be progressing. If she tends to notice you regularly showing closed body language, not including any physical touch, talking about yourself too much…the list isn’t infinite, but you get my point…your progress is either stagnant or moving backwards. You slowly become the guy that got her attention and got her out on a date, to the boring or friendly guy she would never consider a sexual partner. The quicker you establish yourself, the faster you are able to take much of her guessing out of the framework.
I’d like to end by saying that this article is obviously not conclusive. For those of you who found even just a portion of this to be new information, you more than likely have questions on points I barely touched on. I hope to elaborate on sub-points made in this piece in the future, as well as cover additional aspects of relationships. For now, I hope this proves to be useful. If you haven’t already, check out my other article.
Cheers and #rolltide